All I am is;
95% the stereotype of the "Nice Guy" who thinks some girl owes him a
romanticany kind of relationship in exchange for friendship and then throws a hissy fit when she declines.
--otherwise known as a 'fuck boy,' a term Red used frequently to describe her male peers and all men-- if that is any indication of what feminism is teaching younger generations. It is the identity of every person like me. I am to be put aside and isolated so that the rest of the world can enjoy their lives without fear of being inconvenienced.
So now I wonder what the difference is between a "fuck boy," a nuisance, a pest-- and someone who is otherwise socially acceptable, who is also male. How does that work, exactly?
I get the impression that I am supposed to keep to myself and pretend I don't care about anyone but myself and what I'm doing-- effectively isolating myself. That is the image of a socially acceptable male. One who doesn't try. It seems counterproductive, because whether you're the "nice guy/fuck boy" or "cool guy who doesn't give a shit," the bottom line is isolation. I feel as though I am on the cusp of figuring something out here, but not quite.
Why is it ok for some people to go out and socialize, but not me? Why do people get SO OFFENDED when I want to talk to them, and even more offended when I offer my company? Keep in mind that this is underlying reaction I get BEFORE I get the chance to say or do anything. --because anything I do that has a chance to make someone uncomfortable has already been anticipated long in advance. Because showing interest in someone in any way at all automatically makes me a stalker and an axe murderer or at the very least, a "fuck boy" and there is no way for me to prove otherwise, and no way that does not ultimately lead into the other party's self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think about all the screen captures people take of a 'nice guy' who immediately turns savage and violent in their reply the moment they are rejected, and how it is an example of why men can never be trusted. Then I realize, perhaps if said man did not feel perpetually isolated and stigmatized in this way, perhaps he would not have lashed out in such a way to begin with. I have never been an example of such a screen capture, and I'm not saying it is right of them to act that way, but I certainly know the frustration-- the feeling behind such outbursts.
So now here I am, sitting in this classroom full of women. Aside from the instructor, I am the only male. I go out of the room and into the halls and lounge area and it feels like high school all over again. There are tables crowded with people talking to each other and all I can think to do is find some place to hide where no one will be bothered by the sight of me. I keep my head down. I say nothing. The world turns and life goes on for everyone and I exist parallel to all of it like a ghost. Whether I am there or not, alive or dead, makes no difference to anyone.