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#1 Oct 16 2014 at 10:49 PM Rating: Good
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About 3 weeks ago, my dad wrecked on his motorcycle. His injuries are still pretty extensive but he is in stable condition. I know it is an inevitability for us to outlive our parents but coming so close to the reality of that sentiment has left me quite shaken. I don't have any great-grandparents left, but all my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc... are still here. Being confronted with the almost-reality of someone I love so dearly passing away is something I am having trouble grasping.

Even though my father is still with us and is on the road to recovery, my family is going to hell in a hand basket around me. My mother has turned into a mess and completely gone to pieces. Crying all the time, not eating, not bathing, etc. My sister has gone on a meth binge that could rival that of any rockstar. My brother is drinking more than is safe for any grown person. And I am... just keeping on. I get up, go to work, go to the hospital for a couple hours, come home, cook dinner, do laundry. Except for the frequent and hours long hospital visits, slight insomnia(which is a preexisting condition anyway), and traumatic dreams when I do sleep, my life is pretty much the same. My mother tells me I am not "expressing myself" or "dealing with what has happened" but IMO, life doesn't stop just because something catastrophic happens. Bills still need to be paid, house still needs to be cleaned.

My question to you: When trauma happens, what do you do? If you have lost someone close, how did you cope? Am I just a cold-hearted *****?
#2 Oct 16 2014 at 11:19 PM Rating: Good
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Delva wrote:
My question to you: When trauma happens, what do you do? If you have lost someone close, how did you cope? Am I just a cold-hearted *****?
You haven't actually lost anyone. You're freaked out a bit at the near miss but otherwise keeping on. That sounds perfectly healthy to me.
#3 Oct 17 2014 at 7:53 AM Rating: Good
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Delva wrote:
Am I just a cold-hearted *****?
No, it sounds like the rest of your family is just ridiculously over-dramatic.
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#4 Oct 17 2014 at 10:19 AM Rating: Excellent
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My grandmother died last year; I cried a bit in the days after and still miss her from time to time, but that's about it. I moved on.

My other grandmother has Alzheimer's and has been "gone" in the sense that she hasn't remembered her grandchildren for a few years. Honestly, at this point I think death would be an improvement.

Both parents are still alive, but it'll be very tough on me when I lose them. That said, we've discussed what to do when my dad passes (he's 68, 10 years older than my mom, and we're guessing he has about a decade left), so while it will hurt... it won't disrupt our lives too too much.

It sounds like your family may have some issues if they've gone to pieces without actually losing someone? Perhaps tactfully bring up therapy. Even for yourself it could do a world of good; for your siblings and mother it sounds like it would be much healthier than their current ways of coping.
#5 Oct 18 2014 at 12:09 AM Rating: Good
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My Father passed away several years ago. All of my Grand parents are dead. As are my Fiance'e and my best friend that I'd known since Kindergarten. Add to that all of my Aunts and Uncles on my Mom's side and most of them from my Dad's, as well as cousins, nephews, and of course, friends.


Point being, I understand the pain and loss you're fearing. You're not "cold", fact is, the living must go on living.


I won't say it really gets any easier, but in time, as you lose more and more loved ones, you get to the point where you focus less on them being gone and more on just being grateful that all of you were ever even here at all.

To answer your question of what do you do? IMHO, you do the only thing you can do. You hurt like hell and continue on with your life.
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