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Things we might discuss if the forum didn't dieFollow

#152 Dec 14 2016 at 2:40 AM Rating: Good
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因为Timelord不是人.

我想你应该用汉字查字法.
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#153 Dec 14 2016 at 4:20 AM Rating: Good
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I think its time for you to get your own VR gear, not just test it out. Then, you can live another life like you so desperately want to.
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#154 Dec 14 2016 at 7:02 AM Rating: Good
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I think they have that one VR game, Summer Lessons?, would probably be right up his alley.
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#155 Dec 14 2016 at 1:07 PM Rating: Good
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TirithRR wrote:
I think they have that one VR game, Summer Lessons?, would probably be right up his alley.

I don't think that one's technically available in America(literally due to fear of SJW backlash). You can get it English subbed through Play Asia though.
#156 Dec 14 2016 at 9:09 PM Rating: Good
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It's very quiet here all the time. Everyone who lives here has someplace to go and sleeps whenever they're at home. It's just as it has always been. This is normal. Things are just the way they were before, but I forgot what that was like. It isn't better. In fact, it's hardly any different. I think about all of the things I have been doing over the past several years, and how I have been keeping myself distracted. I don't have a Minecraft server to run anymore. I don't have a job anymore, either. Today, I have class three days a week for a couple of hours per day, but aside from that, I do absolutely nothing.

I can't really describe what is different. It just feels like everything has been done. It feels like playing an RPG after beating the final boss and going back in after the credits to get all the side **** done and there just isn't any more side **** left to do.

I mean, I can start a new Minecraft server. I can get a new job. It just feels like there is no point. There is no single thing I can do that will change anything. There is no outcome I can imagine, even under the most ideal fantasy circumstances, that I could possibly want. It's like I'm already dead. It's like I'm here just haunting this apartment, and this forum. I just want to move onto the next thing, and I can't do that. The idea of suicide has never felt more real to me as it does now. I keep thinking about Futurama, and how there was a suicide machine like a phone booth in the first episode and how convenient that would be. Right now I'm thinking, maybe I could really **** someone off and get them to do it for me.
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#157 Dec 14 2016 at 11:03 PM Rating: Excellent
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Kuwoobie wrote:
There is no single thing I can do that will change anything.

Especially since you refuse to do any single thing aside from whining and bitching about life.
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Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#158 Dec 15 2016 at 2:46 AM Rating: Good
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Kuwoobie wrote:
Right now I'm thinking, maybe I could really **** someone off and get them to do it for me.


You are entertaining the idea of being gone, but you don't really want that either. You could convert to Buddhism, which would be in the direction you seem to desire. I suppose you could apply some of the aspects of Zen Buddhism and do meditation and see how that works.

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#159 Dec 15 2016 at 2:54 AM Rating: Good
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Actually, you should learn about Diogenes of Sinope.

Edited, Dec 15th 2016 12:57am by Sogoro
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#160 Dec 15 2016 at 11:20 AM Rating: Good
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I think he should study Protagoras of Thrace instead.
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#161 Dec 15 2016 at 11:27 AM Rating: Good
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Hero of Alexandria.
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Timelordwho wrote:
I'm not quite sure that scheming is an emotion.
#162 Dec 15 2016 at 11:53 AM Rating: Excellent
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Jophiel of Zam
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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#163 Dec 15 2016 at 2:02 PM Rating: Good
GBATE!! Never saw it coming
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Last week, I saw a guy with an eyepatch and a gold monocle and pointed him out to Flea as one of the most awesome things I've seen, ever. If I had an eyepatch and a gold monocle, I'd always dress up as Mr. Peanut but with a hook hand and a parrot.
#164 Dec 15 2016 at 6:54 PM Rating: Good
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Pablo of Medellín
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#165 Dec 15 2016 at 6:54 PM Rating: Good
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Seek aid and moral guidance from the Daily Double of Zamakhazam, Defender of the Realm, Keeper of the Keys, Spiller of the Milk, seeker of the high and low, and weekend shubbery dealer.

Edited, Dec 15th 2016 8:03pm by Timelordwho
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#166 Dec 16 2016 at 4:30 AM Rating: Good
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Jesus of Nazareth.

NSFW:
#167 Dec 19 2016 at 5:46 PM Rating: Good
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Emperor Norton I.
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#168 Dec 19 2016 at 7:24 PM Rating: Good
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Strummer wrote:
Emperor Norton I.
That guy doesn't afraid of anything.
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Jophiel wrote:
Last week, I saw a guy with an eyepatch and a gold monocle and pointed him out to Flea as one of the most awesome things I've seen, ever. If I had an eyepatch and a gold monocle, I'd always dress up as Mr. Peanut but with a hook hand and a parrot.
#169 Jan 03 2017 at 5:40 AM Rating: Good
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You think it would be easier to get your hands on a gun, given the out of control gun problem in this country.
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Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#170 Jan 09 2017 at 5:36 PM Rating: Good
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Get a squirt gun.
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#171 Jan 15 2017 at 7:45 PM Rating: Good
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I've been talking to a lot of people lately. lolgaxe was exactly right in that the majority of themall of them were met via Craigslist. It had been about 8 years since I last used that site, and the first time I ever bothered posting under the "strictly platonic" section. Much to my surprise, I ended up being contacted by quite a few real people before my post was flagged for removal for no particular reason.

Aside from the men who wanted "dick pics or gtfo", there were a couple of married women who contacted me and were happy to talk to me over Skype and/or KiK for a few days. Both seemed to be able to relate very well in particular about the part of my post where I mentioned how I felt unwanted and ignored. One considered bringing me along to go dumpster diving with her, but we kind of stopped talking to each other after that. The other I talked to a great deal. She seemed very interested in listening to my problems and pretty much everything I've been talking about on this thread and was very empathetic and understanding about everything. She didn't like to talk about herself much, though. We kind of trailed off once our conversations started feeling like forced small talk I guess.

Talking to them reminded me how all I was really doing was trying to fill the massive hole in my life Red once filled, and how futile it all is. I realize now that no one will ever be able to replace her. I told Red once that meeting her was like finding a diamond in an endless sea of dirt, and, as it turns out, that could not be more accurate.

I said before that talking to random guys in some public place would be like eating shit and trying to like it. Well, maybe it's not quite like eating shit, but certainly a lot like eating something I really just don't care for. Even thinking back to Erika (the comic store one), I realize I had been giving her the benefit of the doubt a lot, and had been seeing her largely through the eyes of some serious optimism goggles. In fact, the more I think about her, the more I realize what a piece of shit she is, and wonder why I even liked her at all to begin with. You know, like never mind the fact that talking to her online was like talking to a retarded person. All she wanted was a guy who could buy her a new PC, and she got it-- and herpes.

You know, as much as I really hate myself, that hatred pales in comparison to how I feel about other people. As worthless as I am, it's hard to imagine that I would think the majority of people I come across are actually beneath me.

Saying that is the majority of people is probably a stretch. If anything, most people are alright for the most part. I just don't have anything in common with "most people" and there's really no reason for me to want to talk to them and vice versa. It's not so much like eating shit and pretending to like it as it is being told I should find a Top 40 station on the radio and listening to that because music that resonates with me and actually makes me happy is unhealthy for me for some reason.

I have talked to my wife about everything, leaving out no details. I tell her when I feel like I need to hurt myself, even if it's not necessarily what I want to do. It is how I feel very often. Then there are many times where I do actually want to die-- times where if I just had a sure way to do it I would, which is every day at some point or another. --and even though she and Red hated each other, she often says she wishes she would come back, because at least then she didn't have to deal with me saying things like that.

Looking at her profile on Myanimelist.net and her League of Legends match history, I can tell Red has been playing exclusively with some guy. They even have matching user avatars just like she and I once did. I found his Steam profile and Facebook and he's only 5 years younger than me and lives in Miami... I wonder if he knows how old she is, or if she has gone back to pretending to be older. Of course, the older she gets the easier that will be. She ignores any attempt I make to contact her completely. I have been replaced, just like that. I am written off and forgotten about, but I'm still alive, and so is she. It's like being buried alive.

I think about this a lot. My wife has been making an effort to be less distant with me after all that I've told her, and I appreciate it. I wonder why she or my kids can't simply take over the role Red had, at least in some way. I love my wife and my son and stepdaughter, but it's not the same thing. Red was my person. She was someone who always wanted to talk to me. It was unconditional. Inseparable. For nearly two years she would call and we would talk and play games together all day. I never had to be the one to call her. I would simply wait and she would, as sure as the sun would rise. I had never felt such a bond with anyone, and every day I thought it could not grow any further, it did. Just little every day things-- like when she would write me cute little letters and send them to my mailbox in WoW attached with cakes. I loved her more and more every day-- and it was not in any way I had ever felt for anyone before. It was different somehow, but I don't really understand why or how that is. I had never known what it was like to be truly be happy until then.

I don't understand. But I am easily replaced, and can't replace her. I think the only thing keeping me from hanging myself right now is the idea that she is so young, and she will grow up and remember that what she values most is loyalty-- or so she says. Maybe someday she'll be married and have her own kids and think about me, and maybe I'll still be alive.
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Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#172 Jan 16 2017 at 9:21 AM Rating: Good
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Kuwoobie wrote:
lolgaxe was exactly right
Well, duh.
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#173 Jan 22 2017 at 1:32 PM Rating: Excellent
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Kuwoobie wrote:
You know, as much as I really hate myself, that hatred pales in comparison to how I feel about other people. As worthless as I am, it's hard to imagine that I would think the majority of people I come across are actually beneath me.

Bookmarking for the FBI.
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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#174 Jan 23 2017 at 6:59 AM Rating: Good
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Jophiel wrote:
Kuwoobie wrote:
You know, as much as I really hate myself, that hatred pales in comparison to how I feel about other people. As worthless as I am, it's hard to imagine that I would think the majority of people I come across are actually beneath me.

Bookmarking for the FBI.


Sorry buddy, hands are tied, this one is a CIA project.
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#175 Jan 23 2017 at 2:27 PM Rating: Good
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That is usually phase one of their operations, yes.

They'll get out the towel and the bucket of water soonish, I expect.
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Timelordwho wrote:
I'm not quite sure that scheming is an emotion.
#176 Jan 31 2017 at 3:14 PM Rating: Good
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Its been 8 years since I was a regular poster here, it doesnt feel like that long at all.
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