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Things we might discuss if the forum didn't dieFollow

#1 Jan 21 2016 at 6:10 PM Rating: Excellent
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Despite all the warnings not to, I really regret never asking about... certain things.

I know it doesn't really matter as much as it used to, not like it ever really did-- but it's a bit of a tease-- being Scholar with a default "Good" rating. It's been that way for a really long time, years even. At first I thought, "Oh yes. I am close now." -- yet it never happened. What a strange kind of limbo I am trapped in. I'd be happy if I could just know how close I am to finally becoming a super saiyanSage.

I don't really expect it to happen. I mean, it's fitting. I am still the loathsome, unlikable and unsavory single guy who *********** to anime-- just now I'm grown up a bit, married with children, and completely desensitized to "anime" in such a way that it no longer registers in my brain as erogenous.

I still say a lot of really dumb things, but if a tree falls in the woods and no one's around to give him a hard time for it, is it still dumb? I'm going to say "yes." Yes, it is. --because stupid is as stupid does. That's what my momma always said. "I can't sit normally in this chair without losing about 40% of my reasoning ability." he cried loudly with propane, and propane accessories. Clean and efficient, like robots-- DD free with no strings attached, that one. I can't tell you how many times I shucked that shoopuff. Howdy. There's only so many licks before the crispity crunchity butter fingery butter fingering center of the lollipop guild's very own Colonel Sanders. That's why we're here, you know-- because hold the line. Shrimpin ain't easy, but someone's going to get you look out! Oh, sacred cow, give me the strength to pasteurize thy milk and butterize thy holy toast. In the name of the plumber, get hooked on the brothers- the brothers- the brothers! Can you not? There are plenty of alternatives just waiting for you to just stop feeling fucking sorry for yourself. I occasionally enjoy Chinese food. This one time at sad camp, this guy came into our castle and totally snooged all over our nice new banana raincoat wearing ***** god I can't stand her they turned her into a loli she's supposed to be a ******* news anchor or something what were they thinking!? I swear if I hear one more complaint about post dramatic shock stinking up the car again I'm going to eat that taco I found in the parking lot again. It's ok though because I used protection, kind of. It doesn't matter anyway. --not with the way the Canadian government is handling our frick frack snick snacks. It's certainly not getting any clumsier in Detroit's whether mixing machine lately tralala~🎡 my ding-ding dong~🎡 may we meet again someday I dare not say hey is for horses Eddy stop don't you realize you're hurting me?
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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#2 Jan 21 2016 at 6:44 PM Rating: Excellent
It will take ~100 rateups to get you to sage as of this post.
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#3 Jan 22 2016 at 7:26 AM Rating: Excellent
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Challenge accepted.
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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#4 Feb 24 2016 at 2:41 AM Rating: Good
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Playing online games with stepdaughters tends to open a whole new world of possibilities. Whereas to me, an MMO is a lot like a job-- motivation comes from becoming stronger and richer. For my daughters, fun comes from simpler places. They made this happen today, so I recorded it. I thought they were both going to die laughing.

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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

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#5 Mar 31 2016 at 1:43 AM Rating: Excellent
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So yeah, this week's episode of Kuwoobie's Modern Life: I now have a homeless woman and her one-year old baby living in my apartment for an undetermined amount of time while her baby-daddy is in jail for probably the rest of forever.

Also: I gave away my Minecraft server. It wasn't making money anymore and the thought of actually logging in and being on the game itself has become akin to some cruel and unusual punishment.

Edited, Mar 31st 2016 7:45am by Kuwoobie
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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

Necro Warning: This post occurred more than thirty days after the prior, and may be a necropost.
#6 Mar 31 2016 at 2:31 PM Rating: Excellent
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something something Do Her In The Butt.

The homeless woman, not the one year old.
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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#7 Apr 07 2016 at 3:05 PM Rating: Good
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Kuwoobie wrote:
So yeah, this week's episode of Kuwoobie's Modern Life: I now have a homeless woman and her one-year old baby living in my apartment for an undetermined amount of time while her baby-daddy is in jail for probably the rest of forever.


Dr. Drew wrote:
Too much chaos in your life



Seriously though. It can be hard because the natural instinct is to help people out, but at some point, you have to separate yourself from people with chaotic lives, or your own life will be eternally chaotic, and likely result in a downward spiral. Unless you're like related to this person (or, I suppose, a really really close friend, which begs the question: why?), how does she end up in your apartment?
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#8 Apr 08 2016 at 1:56 AM Rating: Good
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God. You must be really bored. Ok, well:

The homeless woman is my wife's best friend who got evicted (lost her job and could not pay rent) from her home the very same day her boyfriend gets put in jail for breaking his probation he had only two weeks left of. Someone accused him of having a gun, and apparently that's all it took for him to get locked up in Sharps for five weeks.

Basically, I cooked bacon and eggs and pancakes for two extra mouths for a few weeks while her and the baby slept on our couch. The boyfriend got out and we told her we didn't want him here too-- that and her baby is an unholy shrieking terror-- so they all left to stay with the boyfriend's grandparents.

Chaotic? Yeah, sure. It's the kind of life I'm used to though. It's nothing compared to the kind of chaos I grew up in.
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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#9 Apr 08 2016 at 3:56 PM Rating: Decent
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Kuwoobie wrote:
The homeless woman is my wife's best friend who got evicted...


Oh. Ok. The way you wrote it originally made it seem like this was someone who as homeless when you met them (or had been homeless for some time), as opposed to someone who was already a close friend who just lost their home. Hence, my questioning of it. Thought you were like picking up strays or something.
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#10 Apr 21 2016 at 7:58 AM Rating: Good
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When the forums eventually die, I'm hoping someone will paste the last 2 years into a Word document and send it to the very top of the ZAM chain. That way, the next time someone up there decides to act on a massive aneurysm, they'll be able to print out this case and closely study how not to do it.

Also, when trying to report a private message as spam, the automated report system wants me to send a message to Kaolian. Not sure how to react to that.

Edited, Apr 21st 2016 4:39pm by Mazra
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#11 Apr 27 2016 at 12:52 AM Rating: Good
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Been playing Vanilla WoW on a dirty private server since I keep hearing so much praise for it. Got to say-- I *LOVE* playing PvP before the existence of PvP resilience. I also love how everything is relevant. There is no sedimentary "old" content because it's all fresh. There is no skimming over 90 levels of **** just to level up. There is no dungeon or raid finder there to just casually throw you together with random strangers on other ******* servers. There are no guild perks or SGI ********** guilds are guilds and people actually talk to each other. Since the population is fairly low, it'll be relatively easy for me to get High Warlord due to lack of competition.
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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#12 May 02 2016 at 9:14 AM Rating: Good
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Kuwoobie wrote:
Been playing Vanilla WoW on a dirty private server since I keep hearing so much praise for it.
Mark Kern(a project lead on Vanilla WoW and all around cool bro) will be speaking with Blizz about vanilla servers in some capacity in a couple weeks. A lot of us are hoping it'll result in an official vanilla server being opened up sometime in the nearish future.
#13 May 04 2016 at 10:46 AM Rating: Good
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Got a voicemail yesterday from someone claiming to be from the DEA asking for a guy named "John Moon" saying they were going to get a warrent to "search the premises." I gotta say, it sounded pretty legit, but because I've never heard of this John Moon character I'm not worried about it. My first thought was maybe the homeless woman who was staying with us for a while stashed some drugs here or something, given she's been in trouble with the DEA before (big time), but now I'm pretty sure if I call the number back they'll be trying to get my personal information and credit card number or something. Joke would be on him.
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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#14 May 04 2016 at 2:11 PM Rating: Excellent
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I'm going to guess that the DEA doesn't call in advance and warn you about when they'll come by with a warrant.
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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#15 May 04 2016 at 6:27 PM Rating: Good
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I'm going to listen to the message again real fast and transcribe what I'm hearing:

"Ah, this is a message for Mr. Moon. John. Mr. Moon this is agent Gonzalez, I'm with the DEA, Drug Enforcement Administration-- US Department of Justice. We need to ask you a few q-questions regarding a criminal investigation we are conducting involving narcotics. So please try to give us a call back as soon as you can. Otherwise we are going to issue out a warrant to search your property also an arrest warrent against you(?). The number you can reach us: 954 693 -5159 ask for Agent Gonzalez extension 3210. Thank you Mr. Moon and we are going to be expecting a call from you. Bye!"

It's pretty funny. Oh how I wish I was creative enough to come up with some way to **** with them.
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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#16 May 05 2016 at 11:31 AM Rating: Good
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I googled the number and apparently it links to AETNA's mail order prescription service, or someone who is claiming to be such. Some people are reporting that these people have obtained Aetna information on them, so if your number is associated with an Aetna account, then that's likely how they got your info.
#17 Jun 10 2016 at 3:17 AM Rating: Excellent
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I'm planning on having a "Watch Kuwoobie Die: Live" event as suggested to me by Barkingturtle several years ago. I think it would be an appropriate way to leave the forum and say goodbye to all my online friends. I have a webcam, but don't have the money or means to acquire a firearm. I'm looking at shotguns online and I'm seeing $600 minimum. I bet I could make a small fortune on Kickstarter with this, though.
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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

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#18 Jun 10 2016 at 7:57 AM Rating: Good
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Kuwoobie wrote:
I'm planning on having a "Watch Kuwoobie Die: Live" event as suggested to me by Barkingturtle several years ago. I think it would be an appropriate way to leave the forum and say goodbye to all my online friends. I have a webcam, but don't have the money or means to acquire a firearm. I'm looking at shotguns online and I'm seeing $600 minimum. I bet I could make a small fortune on Kickstarter with this, though.


Kickstarter expects you to deliver a product, if you just need money you should use GoFundMe. You should also use Nerf weapons instead, they're cheaper and provides longer entertainment for your viewers.
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#19 Jun 10 2016 at 8:13 AM Rating: Good
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At least make a Rube Goldberg Machine out of it.
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#20 Jun 10 2016 at 9:58 AM Rating: Good
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Kuwoobie wrote:
I'm planning on having a "Watch Kuwoobie Die: Live" event as suggested to me by Barkingturtle several years ago. I think it would be an appropriate way to leave the forum and say goodbye to all my online friends. I have a webcam, but don't have the money or means to acquire a firearm. I'm looking at shotguns online and I'm seeing $600 minimum. I bet I could make a small fortune on Kickstarter with this, though.
If you're planning to die anyway, why do you need money? Just steal the ****. What are they gonna do, shoot you?

Edit: On the off chance that you're serious, don't do it fam.

Edited, Jun 10th 2016 10:03am by Poldaran
#21 Jun 12 2016 at 9:35 PM Rating: Good
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I just thought it would be a fun and interesting way to go out. It's something I've been struggling with since as long as I can remember, and something I've talked about on here a lot as well. It always felt so distant before-- like something that might happen eventually, but lately it's starting to feel a lot closer. Whenever it got this close, there was always something that would happen to distract me and bring me back away from the edge so to speak-- almost like on cue. It's always pure dumb luck. But I think now the pool of unlikely events has exhausted. The only thing that is really stopping me now is the lack of suitable means.

It's funny-- advocates of the NRA and lax gun laws will say if someone wanted to die badly enough, they'd find some way to do it with or without a gun. I can say now with 100% certainty that this is just not true at all. I have imagined and researched countless other methods for suicide and they all seem pretty brutal and have a high potential for failure. I might consider them if ever I felt pressured to for some reason, but nothing like that ever happens. That's just the thing though. Nothing particularly bad happens, just like nothing particularly good happens. I live in a state of constant neutrality and relative comfort that is keeping me alive, but also completely miserable. It really is like some invisible hand is at work keeping everything in perfect balance and forcing everything to keep going somehow.

I realize no one here cares. As per usual, I write for selfish reasons. I write to organize my thoughts and clarify things to myself. I don't expect anyone to actually read what I say or respond with anything meaningful-- so please spare the cliches about getting help, etc.

I am well beyond the reach of any "help." I have been thinking about it a lot, and I now realize that even if I had the means and money of other people, it would not change anything. I keep thinking about the world and how everything works-- about people and how they react.

The best way I can describe what this is like is how it feels when you've beaten an RPG and completed all the side quests and minigames to 100% and there is literally nothing left to be done, but you keep playing anyway because you don't have any other games and you just have to desperately keep trying to find a way to entertain yourself with essentially nothing. I used to paraphrase Full Metal Jacket: "I am in a world... of ****." Well, it's actually probably pretty great for most people. It's just not for me. By that, I mean it's not *for* me. It's like being stuck in the wrong genre. It's great for people who enjoy pursuing small amounts of personal wealth through grinding menial tasks for the purpose of collecting trinkets and trophies and various novelties to fill their life with. It's surely fun and fulfilling for the majority of people to pretend to be climbing some great social ladder, making more money, buying more things. For me, it just isn't. My wife's family think I'm lazy and stupid for not having a job. The reality is I don't care to subject myself to filling out psych evaluations on every application, peeing into cups and being interviewed by some mindless animal to determine my worth as an individual only to find I'm simply not "aligned to their needs" and inevitably end up in a job that amounts to standing in place for eight hours a day repeating the same basic motion over and over for some small biweekly reward in a currency that has no real value to me. It's not for me.

Despite this, I'm going to start looking for another job soon. I'm going to shave off all my hair and smile and pretend to be a good upstanding Christian and functioning member of their society-- just long enough for me to acquire the means to escape.
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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#22 Jun 13 2016 at 1:46 AM Rating: Excellent
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Kuwoobie wrote:
So yeah, this week's episode of Kuwoobie's Modern Life: I now have a homeless woman and her one-year old baby living in my apartment for an undetermined amount of time while her baby-daddy is in jail for probably the rest of forever.
I (well my then-wife and I) did that in...1995?(ish?). She turned out to be crazier than a sh*t-house rat. Good times.
Kuwoobie wrote:
I realize no one here cares.
Actually, yeah, some of us do.

I was quite suicidal in January of 2007. I had a decent job (Safeway...loook fooor the Union laaaabel!!) but lost my residence (through no fault of my own). No money saved to get a new place. Nowhere to go. Did I mention this was January? In South Dakota? When is was friggin' -25F? Because it was. A combination of hopelessness and a bi-polar brain had me in a state of mind that I was of no use to myself or anyone else.

On the way to my planned extinction event site, I let the rational side of my head think for a second and checked myself into the local nut-hospital and was placed on a 3 day hold for evaluation.

Long story short, I was able to go to the very homeless shelter I currently work in. Within three months (still working at Safeway) I was taken aside by the guy who ran the place and was told in no uncertain terms that joining the team at the shelter was (nerd paraphrasing incoming) my "first, best destiny".

I've been here ever since (not living there, man...working there). Find something worthwhile to you and do that. Even if you start as a volunteer, do it. Get out of your own head and do something for someone else.




It saved my life (no joke) twice.
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Last week, I saw a guy with an eyepatch and a gold monocle and pointed him out to Flea as one of the most awesome things I've seen, ever. If I had an eyepatch and a gold monocle, I'd always dress up as Mr. Peanut but with a hook hand and a parrot.
#23 Jun 25 2016 at 7:11 PM Rating: Good
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Really happy about this game



I'm starting to figure out the real importance of having good support as adc. The game before this one I was being told I sucked because my support was fucking Rammus, by Rammus. I now realize there must be a way for each lane to get super fed like this. For me, it's having a support like Tahm Kench, Thresh, or Blitzcrank. Every successful pull from Blitzcrank is a guaranteed kill, even early on. He pulls. I put down gator traps in their path of retreat. They die. Repeat until fed and become unstoppable for the rest of the game.
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Galkaman wrote:
Kuwoobie will die crushed under the burden of his mediocrity.

#24 Aug 08 2016 at 10:09 PM Rating: Good
Vagina Dentata,
what a wonderful phrase
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We'd talk about your mom. Mainly.
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Turin wrote:
Seriously, what the f*ck nature?
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#25 Aug 30 2016 at 12:25 PM Rating: Good
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Annabella wrote:
We'd talk about your mom. Mainly.
Well, my mom is dead. Thanks for reminding me.Smiley: glare
#26 Aug 30 2016 at 2:18 PM Rating: Excellent
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You had forgotten?
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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
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