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Jokes and Other Misc Stuff to make you Laugh!Follow

#1 Apr 22 2005 at 8:28 AM Rating: Default
Here are some cheesy pick up lines to start off!

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock.

I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.

Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?

Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way.

Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's.

You with those curves, and me with no brakes ...

Aw, girl, I'm gonna have to put you on my "To Do" List!

Save a horse -- ride a cowboy.

Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.

If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

What do you say we go back to my crib and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply

Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours

Love is a sensation, caused by a temptation, to feel penetration. a guy sticks his location in a girl's destination, to increase the population for the next generation, did you get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?

I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears

My boys over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?
#2 Apr 22 2005 at 9:31 AM Rating: Default
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you posted the same lame stuff in the Asylum
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#3 Apr 22 2005 at 9:49 AM Rating: Default
Yes, i did, and you point is?. Can you only post stuff in one forum?
#4 Apr 22 2005 at 11:42 AM Rating: Good
LionsFan wrote:
Yes, i did, and you point is?. Can you only post stuff in one forum?

No - you just open the doors for a ton of abuse by double posting...
#5 Apr 22 2005 at 1:43 PM Rating: Default
Actually this is not the same post I put on Asylum!, and noone thinks these cheesy pick up lines are funny?. I bet someone tries them out there after reading this.
#6 Apr 26 2005 at 1:52 PM Rating: Excellent
You said Booger King!!! :P
#7 Apr 26 2005 at 2:26 PM Rating: Decent
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Well thanks alot LionsFan, I tried them and got slapped 47 times last night.... I HATE YOU!!!
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#8 Apr 26 2005 at 6:27 PM Rating: Decent
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193 posts
Quote:
Love is a sensation, caused by a temptation, to feel penetration. a guy sticks his location in a girl's destination, to increase the population for the next generation, did you get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?

XD!
#9 Apr 26 2005 at 8:26 PM Rating: Decent
15 posts
"Roses are red
violets are blue
I like spaghetti
Lets *****."
#10 Apr 27 2005 at 2:11 PM Rating: Decent
47 posts
Quote:
What do you say we go back to my crib and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply


lol. ><
#11 May 01 2005 at 2:53 AM Rating: Good
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"You 18 yet?"
#12 May 03 2005 at 12:37 PM Rating: Default
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Quote:
"Roses are red
violets are blue
I like spaghetti
Lets *****."


Actually, this one tends to work.

Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
I think you're cute,'
Can I have your shoe?

It works about three out of five times, and is an interesting Ice breaker. You may not end up getting any, but at least you'll tend to end up starting a conversation, and once you're talking, you never know what will end up happening. Once you start talking you may find out she's an annoying power-bytch, or she may decide you're a Di(k, but at least you got the chance to find out. It seems to work best sent with a drink, written on a napkin.

The only opening line I've ever found to be absolutly fool-proof in getting at least a laugh and a talk, is ( and I'll warn you now, don't say this to the wrong girl, she may take you seriously, and then you can be screwed royally if she turns out not to be your type):

"Hey, how about we just skip the preliminaries and get married?"

Every girl I've ever used this on laughed, and we ended up talking. Only a few times did it go anywhere other than talk because of lack of chemistry, but at least it broke that fabled ice.

One of my buddies made the mistake of using this line on a Co-Dependant type female, and she supposedly fell in love with him instantly. He still gets calls from her now and then wanting him back, and they broke up about 8 years ago.
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#13 May 04 2005 at 11:03 PM Rating: Decent
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i like this joke:

A mexican, a german, and a chinese guy go to get a job at an excavation site. The foreman hires all three and gives them each jobs. He tells the german guy, " You're in charge of diggin the hole." He tells the Mexican guy "you're in charge of sweeping the dirt," and he Tells the chinese guy, "Your're in charge of the suplies, Got it?" they all nod.

At the end of the day, the foreman comes back. The mexican guy and the german guy are just standing around doing nothing. "How come your not digging?" he asks the german guy. "I dont have a shovel" He asks the mexican guy, "How come you're not sweeping?" "I dont have a broom" he answers.

He walks over to the hole and the Chinese guy jumps out him, "Suplies! Suplies!"

#14 Jun 05 2005 at 10:17 PM Rating: Decent
9 posts
what winks and screws like a tiger?
*wink*
#15 Jun 06 2005 at 7:07 AM Rating: Decent
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Kouranx wrote:
Well thanks alot LionsFan, I tried them and got slapped 47 times last night.... I HATE YOU!!!
Than this is the line you really need... "How about a pizza and a f#ck? when you get slapped, just act natural and say "Sorry, I didn't know you didn't like pizza"

edit: forgot about the OP... get a life moran

Edited, Mon Jun 6 08:10:56 2005 by CheyD
#16 Jun 06 2005 at 9:30 AM Rating: Decent
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I hate pickup lines. Just say "Hi can I pick you up?" or "Hi, I'm ****** it's nice to meet you."

My favorite cheesy one is: "Look, I'm gonna go have *** with you tonight whether you like it or not. So you might as well be there."
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#17 Jun 06 2005 at 10:25 PM Rating: Decent
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Warning: Joke not intended for immature and underage.

Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers.
The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink.
The women says, "Sure, if you **** me."
The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fat smelly ***."
The second man wants to live and agree's to do the deed. The second man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside. The women says, ********** me then!"
The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, ***** her with it and throws it out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.
The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the man and his friend some water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give them some water.
The friend replies, ********** the water, I want some more of that buttered corn."
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#18 Jun 08 2005 at 1:01 AM Rating: Decent
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Goose, I have a similar joke. Mine involved a broken car in the middle of the night where the guys we're looking for a place to sleep (bring too late) All they could see for miles and miles we're corn fields until they saw a run down house owned by a very old lady.... You get the idea. Well since that one is screwed, I'll go with another one.

Disclaimer: This joke may make a little more sense to Canadians (it involves our beloved Newfies)

2 Newfies are walking in the desert each carrying a car door. After walking in the heat for several miles, A guy on a camel walking by stops them. "Why the f@ck are you carrying car doors in the middle of the desert?" The Newfies reply "To roll down the windows if it gets too hot..."
#19 Jun 09 2005 at 11:11 AM Rating: Decent
36 posts
Quote:
What do you say we go back to my crib and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply




Its Add a bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide your legs, AND IN IT GOES! Its not and multiply lol

#20 Jun 09 2005 at 11:14 AM Rating: Decent
36 posts
Try this one in a card to someone. =P


Roses are Red
Violets are blue
Your husband is dead
We feel sorry for you.
#21 Jun 09 2005 at 1:24 PM Rating: Decent
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Quote:
My favorite cheesy one is: "Look, I'm gonna go have *** with you tonight whether you like it or not. So you might as well be there."

Lol. I've used this one.

The point of pickup lines is really not to pick someone up (sorta). It's merly trying to do what ladies say they like men to do. To make them laugh, and make us look funny.

Reason why I say sorta is because *** is still our #1 intention, even if were just trying to make them laugh atm.

But most of the ones mentioned by the op are kinda lame, and kinda old. But I did finf a couple of them funny and fresh like this one...
Quote:
You with those curves, and me with no brakes ...
This one just might make her laugh. =P
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#22 Jun 09 2005 at 1:34 PM Rating: Decent
6 posts
Best pick up line ever:

Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you? =^.^=
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#23 Jun 09 2005 at 10:54 PM Rating: Decent
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lol. Im gona try that.::shifty eyes::
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#26 Jul 24 2005 at 2:11 AM Rating: Decent
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Um, too many of those were gross, the rest were stupid. Many of them were stupid and gross. And a couple didn't even make sense! Rate down for you.
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