WAR- their job is to hack sh*t to pieces, yet their AF apparently indicates their abs are a weapon to be reckoned with. Only chicks look good in it, the guys end up looking like Richard Simmons with it. But hey, chicks with axes can kick @$$€s
MNK- they learn to live a devout life and worship their deity through beating stuff up. Ah yes, Altana, the goddess of dawn and love... tough love.
WHM- heal this, remove that (status), can you teleport us here (AKA we need a ride). We all know you secretly wish you could use that hammer to shut your party members up
BLM- The reverse microwave, nukes stuff on the outside. They can also have fun dragging dead bodies around.
RDM- Paint the town red, not your HP meter. Sponsored by Energizer (after they got Refresh). Too bad they don't get a pink bunny outfit with an AF drum, it would be fitting around this time of year. After hours on Jeuno, they moonlight as the secretive Pimp Job. Its not called the Red-Light District for nothing.
THF- Living in the Middle Ages sucks, with there not being much to steal. If this were the modern era, they could steal millions or billions and have such prestigious titles like CEO.
PLD- The other white meat.
DRK- The job which celebrates every day as halloween. Though seems like what they reap isn't invites.
BST- Did they start hanging out with animals because nobody would invite them or because nobody would hang out with someone who smells like they've been rolling in the hay with Stray Mary and Spiny Spipi?
BRD- If they could turn their AF hats upside down and play music on the streets of Jeuno for people to toss Gil in, they'd be rich. Pre-Spirit Surge days, they could have named a DRG Gipetto have have it dance for them.
RNG- They're supposed to spend a lot of time out in the wilderness alone, given by what adorns their AF beret, we know what they're really doing out there in the woods.
SAM- Learn the ancient eastern art of being ignored. They can self-skillchain for a reason. That's the Sam's Club.
NIN- Ah yes, the Ninja, who moves stealthily through the shadows, avoiding confrontation unless necessary, uses shurikens, and gathers information or takes out important figures. With Tanking HNMs head on, O RLY the Owl must be their patron saint (riding not in the Popemobile but the ROFLCOPTER). By the way NIN, your glorious weapons are based on... farming implements!.. look it up. Unfortunately, NINs haven't realized they can turtleburn just as manaburning and gilburn/arrowburn were done before, with a NIN with katanas, a NIN with sais, a NIN with nunchucks, and a NIN with a bo. What, you can't find Nunchucks in the game? YOUR TURTLE FAILS!
DRG- (all I can think of is some gaudy vid playing the "JUMP!" song from the '80s). Oh yeah, their role is to give the enemy the shaft, but they spent the last year and a half getting shafted.
SMN- They only job that can make Garuda and Shiva their ******* and Ifrit, Ramuh, Titan their slaves. They come when you call, assuming you got the MP. I shouldn't mention they talk to a glow-in-the dark squirrel... and it talks back (that Crag must be radioactive).
BLU- On April 20th-30th, it's going to look like there's a Blue-Light Special in the Dunes.
COR- Arrrrr, can you say "gambling problem"? If SE would be up to date, their AF would be a classic Native American outfit with all the casinos they've been setting up. But we'd all know where all the Gil they earn from gambling goes to, "donations" to the "spirits", spirits only found in bottles.
PUP- Play with dolls and not be thought of as creepy.
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Somewhere out there, there is a road with 2 signs on it. One says "No Trespassing". The sign right next to it says "FREE KITTENS".
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